


Hollow

by redroses100



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: BAMF Bilbo, Bilbo is frightening, M/M, Thorin Is an Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 12:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3248936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redroses100/pseuds/redroses100
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hobbits have a special defense mechanism known as being Hollow. It's a frightening, empty thing but it's sometimes the only way to protect yourself. Now Bilbo is Hollow and not even Gandalf quite knows what to do. Can Thorin figure out something to save his Hobbit?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hollow

AN: So, I don't personally think this has any questionable material in it, apart from the mention of a butt at one point, but if I offend someone, I apologize. Please enjoy!

OOOOO

When Bilbo was younger, he would go camping in the Old Forest with his cousins, the Tooks. Some of the older boys would tell stories about mystical creatures that would make the younger boys hide under their blankets or shriek in fright. And then Old Took would tells true horror stories. He would tell them about Hobbits who had become Touch Starved, or those who had hurt themselves because of their grief. But the very scariest of stories were the ones he would tell about the Hollow Hobbits.

He told them that every Hobbit had a subliminal defense mechanism in them. When they were in danger of becoming emotionally compromised, their emotions would start shutting down, one by one, until they felt nothing. They became empty, walking around with glazed eyes and no purpose, except what others told them was their purpose. Bilbo shuddered to think of becoming Hollow. But Old Took always assured them that the last time a Hobbit had become Hollow was before the wandering race settled in the Shire. As long as they stayed in the safety and peace of the Shire, they had no danger of becoming Hollow.

Still, Bilbo worried constantly over it when he was a fauntling. He asked him mother and father what it meant to be emotionally compromised, so that he could avoid it. They didn't really know how to explain it to their son, but they settled for telling him it was when a Hobbit got very, very sad or very, very angry. Too angry or sad for their minds to really handle it. They warned Bilbo to never get too overzealous with his emotions. It didn't really matter, as long as he stayed in the Shire. The other Hobbits and the beauty of the land would never let Bilbo become emotionally compromised. Hobbits looked out for each other, and never let anyone become Hollow.

And then Bilbo just had to up and go on an adventure! With Dwarves no less! Dwarves who had no idea what it meant to become Hollow, and who had no concept of manners or who felt the need to be nice to Bilbo. It was mostly Thorin who openly showed his displeasure of Bilbo, and the others took after him. There were even some days when Bofur would join in on the taunting and the ridiculing. Bilbo had never been treated so harshly in his life.

He was a Baggins, and a Took. He was admired by others, and he was respected in the Shire. When his parents had died, he had had a never ending string of visitors to comfort him in his time of loss. He had no one to comfort him now, so far from home and surrounded by Dwarves who didn't appreciate his presence, or even want it. He had gone too far now to turn back, they were already past Rivendell and beginning to navigate the Misty Mountains. All he could do was hope that he wasn't becoming Hollow, as he feared.

The final straw came when he slipped during the Thunder Battle. Thorin had rescued him, and Bilbo had been ready to thank him profusely. But the Dwarf King turned on him and snarled at him, his words cutting right into Bilbo’s raw soul. He felt the break in his emotions like a physical blow, stumbling back against the wall of the mountain. Thorin glared at him for a long moment before turning and ordering them to find shelter. Not even knowing what he had done.

It started with his happiness. When Bofur told a joke that night to the other Dwarves, it made no sense to Bilbo why they laughed. He usually enjoyed Bofur's jokes, but this time he couldn't even bring himself to smile. The next emotion to shut down was anger. The fleeting amount he felt towards Thorin for his scathing remark just ebbed away. His fear left next, and he finally stopped shaking from his near death experience. They all faded away one by one until he was left with only sadness. And then it too was gone.

Bilbo sat up in his bed, staring blankly at nothing, unaware of the concerned stare Bofur was fixing on him. He didn't feel. Anything. What was the purpose of even living if he didn't feel? The mountain. He was supposed to get the Dwarves their mountain back. Was that his purpose? Old Took said he must always have a purpose. Even a Hollow Hobbit could live if they had a purpose. So the mountain would have to do, until he could find another purpose.

When his sword began to glow, instead of fear or panic, Bilbo simply recognized that they were in danger. He announced the danger, but he was too late. The floor fell out from beneath them and they went crashing down into the Mountain. Bilbo got separated from the others, before being attacked and falling over the side of a bridge. And when he woke to an emaciated creature, he coldly threatened the thing into leading him out of the mountain. He also picked up a golden ring when the creature wasn't looking.

Once the creature had brought him to the exit, it scampered back away, terrified of such a ruthless, emotionless being. Bilbo found his way down the mountain, hearing the voices of the company ahead.

“Where is Bilbo?” Gandalf asked worriedly. When had the wizard arrived? Bilbo supposed he was probably the one who got the Dwarves through the mountain.

“How should I know? I did not see him after we fell.” Thorin snarled in reply. “It is better this way. He was slowing us down anyways.” Bilbo wondered if he still had feelings, how much the words would have hurt him. Maybe if he wasn't already Hollow, these words would force him over the edge. But they did nothing to him now. Gandalf opened his mouth to scold Thorin, but they were all distracted by Bilbo walking calmly into their midst. They stared blankly at him for a long moment before Gandalf stepped towards him.

“Bilbo! I have never been so happy to see someone in my life!” The old wizard sighed in relief. Bilbo acknowledged him before looking at Thorin.

“Shall we continue on?” Bilbo suggested. Gandalf's relief faded from his face, and now he looked concerned.

“Bilbo, are you alright?” Gandalf asked, tipping Bilbo’s head up to his. The Hobbit looked alright, but his face was so...empty. And his eyes...frighteningly blank. The Hobbit blinked at him and pulled away from the wizard.

“The sun will be setting soon. We should walk while we can.” He said blandly, and started walking forward. The Dwarves exchanged looks, and Gandalf looked troubled, but they started walking anyways. There was whispering behind Bilbo’s back, but he didn't listen to it. His purpose was to reach the mountain, and rid it of the Dragon. And he was going to do just that. A Hollow Hobbit can do little else.

When the howls split the air in two, they began to run. Bilbo was not blinded by fear or panic, and therefor was one of the first few in the trees. As well, when the time came for him to save Thorin, he didn't hesitate. He killed the would be executioner and stared Azog down without flinching. The White Orc looked a little disturbed by his presence and when he sniffed the air, he growled. He spoke in Black Speech, but upon seeing that Bilbo couldn't understand him, he struggled through what Westron he knew.

“What are you? Why do you not fear?” He demanded.

“I feel nothing.” Bilbo said simply. He was glad that the Dwarves were so far away, and that Thorin was unconscious. He didn't want them to think he was unfit for his purpose simply because he no longer contained emotion. He needed his purpose. A sick grin spread over Azog's face as he observed the fierce little thing before him.

“You could be valuable to me.” He purred.

“I have a purpose.” Bilbo shook his head.

“With the Dwarves.” Azog spat.

“They are just the ones who gave me my purpose. Perhaps when my purpose is finished.” Azog looked honestly surprised. He spoke in Black Speech again, and an orc grunt on a warg started to approach the Hobbit. A wave of Dwarves rained down on the orcs and wargs before it could get to close. And Bilbo threw himself into the fray with no regard for himself. He had no sense of self preservation anymore, no emotions to inhibit what he did. When the Eagles began swooping in, Bilbo stopped to watch them. He didn't realize Azog was sneaking up on him until he felt the claw hook in the back of his shirt and bring him up to face the Pale Orc.

“What are you?” Azog demanded. Bilbo glanced behind the orc, noticing an approaching Eagle.

“I'm Hollow.” Bilbo grunted before he was wrapped in an Eagle's claw and torn from the orc's hold. Azog let out an enraged yell as both the defeated Oakenshield and the curious half creature were taken from him. He would not be defeated so easily, he swore it!

The Eagles took the company far away. They flew for hours, finally stopping atop a large rock. They dropped off their passengers before flying away. Bilbo watched from the sidelines as Gandalf brought Thorin back from the precipice of death, and he heard the Dwarf roughly ask about him.

“It's alright. Bilbo is here. He's quite safe.” Gandalf assured the Dwarf King, who stumbled to his feet. He then turned a furious glare on the tranquil Hobbit standing a few yards away.

“You! What did you think you were doing?! You nearly got yourself killed!” Thorin yelled, apparently angry. Bilbo quirked an eyebrow at the Dwarf's unusual reaction to being saved. Gandalf looked quite worried, not just because of Thorin's behavior, but because of Bilbo’s as well. Or rather, his lack of behavior. “Did I not say that you would be a burden? That you would not survive in the wild? That you had no place amongst us.” Bilbo considered giving him an answer, but it didn't appear Thorin wanted one. So he simply stood there, waiting for what else the Dwarf might say. “I have never be so wrong in all my life.” Bilbo was suddenly enveloped in a deep, warm hug. The Dwarves behind Thorin cheered, but Bilbo simply stood there for a moment. Then he put his arms around Thorin as well, because that is what you were supposed to do. “I am sorry I doubted you.”

“You need not apologize to me Master Oakenshield.” Bilbo said casually. Thorin's smile faltered a little at the nonchalant way Bilbo spoke, but he didn't let himself be bothered. Gandalf however, was very, very bothered.

“Is that...what I think it is?” Kili spoke from behind Thorin, and pointed to the distance where Erebor could be seen, a sole peek. Majestic and wonderful.

“Erebor. The Lonely Mountain. The last of the great Dwarf kingdoms of middle earth.” Gandalf acknowledged, but he was more concentrated on Bilbo. The Hobbit felt his gaze, and met it with his empty eyes. They simply stared at each other for a long time.

“Is something the matter wizard?” Thorin asked, noticing the troubled look on Gandalf's face. He looked from the wizard to the Hobbit, confused.

“Yes. I believe there is. We should begin our descent. There is a cave, and a river, which we can use to rest and heal in.” And Gandalf would get to the bottom of their problem with Bilbo Baggins.

The journey down started out full of chatter and laughter and jokes, but soon it subsides as they concentrated on not dying as they walked. The “stairs” in the mountainside were more like small ledges that they had to lower themselves over one or two at a time. Bilbo appeared to have no problem with it, and was frequently ahead of the others. Thorin was near the back of the company, being helped by Dwalin and Oin over each ledge. Thorin glanced up when there was a shout ahead. Kili was calling for Bilbo to slow down. The Hobbit looked back at the Dwarf and waited patiently. But Thorin could read nothing of his emotions. His face was a perfect mask. It didn't use to be like that.

The truth was, Thorin was only so cruel to Bilbo Baggins in the beginning of the quest because he couldn't accept his own feelings for the Hobbit. He wanted to protect Bilbo, he wanted to laugh with him and talk about things that Bilbo found interesting. But instead he turned a cold shoulder on the boy and scolded him at every opportunity. He was trying to make Bilbo stronger, so he would survive the quest. At least, that was the excuse he gave himself. Really he was frightened that Bilbo would be hurt. And now that Bilbo had saved his life, he couldn't deny his feelings anymore. He was falling in love with the Hobbit.

Thorin saw Gandalf out of the corner of his eye, also looking intently at Bilbo with a frown. Gandalf had been looking oddly at Bilbo since the Hobbit appeared on the cliff, after they escaped the mountain. Thorin couldn't figure out why Gandalf was so perturbed. Yes, Bilbo had been acting...odd. Thorin chalked it up to shock over whatever happened in the mountain. He would have to ask Bilbo about it later. Maybe he would ask Gandalf about it now. He sent away Dwalin and Oin, telling them to help the others, and then waited for Gandalf to be next to him.

“Why do you look at Bilbo that way?” The King asked, perhaps startling Gandalf, because the wizard slid a little with the next step he took. He looked at Thorin with a half hearted glare and then sighed.

“There is something different about our Master Baggins. And if I am correct, which I dearly hope I am not, then he could be in seriously trouble indeed.” Well that didn't make Thorin feel any better.

“And what is it that you suspect is the matter with him?” He demanded. Again Gandalf sighed.

“Hobbits are very strange creatures. You can learn all there is to know about them in a month, and they can still surprise you years later. As well, there are some things that Hobbits keep fiercely secret. Parts of themselves that never come to light, or were never meant to. I was good friends with Bilbo's grandfather, Old Took. It is the only reason I know of the Hollow Hobbits. I doubt any other outsiders have ever heard of it.” Gandalf gave him a meaningful look at this, and Thorin furrowed his brow.

“Are you refusing to tell me what may be plaguing a member of my company?” The Dwarf King demanded stonily.

“No, Thorin, I am saying that if I tell you, it must remain between us. Not even the other Dwarves may know unless Bilbo tells them. I am only telling you because I am very, very concerned.” Thorin nodded, slowing his pace so they fell even further behind the others.

“No one will hear it from me.” He promised. Gandalf sighed, looked ahead at Bilbo again, and nodded lightly, resolutely.

“Old Took used to say that in the days before the Shire was founded, there was much grief and pain to be had for the Hobbits. Many died of such pain and grief. So Hobbits developed a safety mechanism, of a sort, to keep themselves alive. It is called being Hollow. When a Hobbit becomes emotionally compromised, their body begins to shut down their emotions so they cannot be abused to the point of death. But in the years after the Shire was found and cultivated and turned into their home, it became so rare it was nearly nonexistent. But Bilbo is not in the comfort and safety of the Shire anymore. And he is not treated with respect or kindness by the company. At least, not until now.” Thorin flushed and looked down guiltily when the wizard gave him a sharp look.

“And you think that Bilbo...has become Hollow.” Gandalf pinched his lips closed but nodded.

“When he came to us on the cliffs, did he not seem...different? He was not affected by your cold words, and his only thought was to keep moving on. He did not hesitate to kill the orc intent on beheading you, because you are the company's leader. A Hollow Hobbit lives for nothing but their “purpose”. The Hobbits of old had the purpose of finding a home. Bilbo's purpose is to be the company's burglar and regain the Lonely Mountain.” Gandalf explained sorrowfully.

“What will happen when his purpose is fulfilled?” Thorin asked anxiously. Gandalf looked unwilling to even think of it.

“He will wander, empty and purposeless, until given a new goal. Or he will die.” Gandalf admitted after a hard look from Thorin.

“And...is there a way to reverse this?” Thorin demanded, maybe a little frantically.

“Old Took knew of no way, but the last time a Hobbit became Hollow was long before he was born. When they are in the Shire, there is never a need for comfort, and if there is, it is readily available. I never thought...that this would happen. Not to Bilbo.” Thorin's stomach turned unpleasantly.

“It's my fault.” Gandalf looked a mixture of cold and regretful at Thorin's words. “I have been cruel to him, and my behavior has spurred the others in the company to act the same.” How could he have done this to Bilbo?

“There is no use regretting now. We must try and bring Bilbo back. There may be a cure, one we do not know of. For Bilbo’s sake, we must hope.” They both nodded resolutely and continued on in silence, both debating what could be done. Bilbo was busily clearing rocks and maybe a few bugs from the cave when Thorin and Gandalf finally made it to the ground. The Dwarves were all doing one thing or another, finding firewood or take inventory or looking at wounds. Thorin sent a look at Gandalf and then wandered over to where Bilbo was.

“Master Baggins.” Bilbo looked up from rolling a large stone out of the cave and directed his attention to Thorin. He did not smile, or frown, or flinch. He simply looked at the King expectantly. “Have you suffered any injuries?” He asked, suddenly at a loss for words when looking at those painfully blank eyes. He had meant to ask the Hobbit how he was feeling, or if he was feeling, but his eyes told Thorin exactly the answer to that. Bilbo was not feeling anything. He was doing his duty, simply acting.

“Nothing in need of healing. My body will sufficiently repair within a few weeks time.” Bilbo told him, his voice distant and unfeeling. Thorin swallowed heavily, his chest hurting slightly. Bilbo went back to his task, rolling the rock right past the King. Thorin clenched his teeth. Oh Bilbo. What have I done?

“Perhaps you could assist me. I need to clean my wounds in the river.” Thorin proposed, when Bilbo was finished moving the rock. The Hobbit blinked at him a few times before nodding. Thorin was the company leader, after all, and the company and their mission was his purpose. He followed Thorin without protest to the river, and waited for his command. “Will you help me take off my clothes?” Thorin asked, and Bilbo nodded again. The Hobbit made quick work of the many ties and buckles of Thorin's armor and layers until the King stood before him in naught but a tunic and trousers.

“Shall I take off mine as well?” Bilbo asked, watching Thorin divest himself of his tunic. Thorin felt his stomach squeeze. In another situation, he doubted Bilbo would even be so forward, or so willing to be undressed in Thorin's presence. But Thorin was hoping to revive Bilbo’s emotions, and maybe embarrassment, lust, or love would rekindle them in this situation.

“Yes.” Thorin grunted, his ribs aching as he bent to take off his trousers and shoes. By the time he straightened himself, Bilbo was bare as the day he was born, simply standing a few feet away, staring at Thorin and waiting for his next command. Thorin tried not to let his eyes wander, but in the end it was a futile attempt. Bilbo had lost a lot of weight in the journey. But his hips were still deliciously curved and his bottom perfectly rounded. His skin was pale, and Thorin could only imagine running his hands over it, or his lips. “Help me into the river.” He told Bilbo once he managed to stop ogling the empty Hobbit.

Bilbo hurried to comply, looping Thorin's arm around his shoulders and slowly moving into the water, being careful not to slip on the mud or slick stones. When the cold water came up to Thorin's waist, and Bilbo’s stomach, he stopped and made sure the Dwarf King could keep his feet beneath him.

“How shall I clean your wounds?” Bilbo asked, assessing the bite marks and bruises, as well as the rough scratches on his back from when he was tossed by the warg.

“You may use a strip of my shirt. Tear is from the bottom.” Thorin told him, and Bilbo immediately went to comply. As nice as it was to have Bilbo so readily obeying him, thoughtlessly really, it still made Thorin's heart wrench painfully in his chest to see his dear Hobbit so Hollow. Bilbo without his emotions was scarier than Smaug and Azog joining forces at this point. He wished he could go back in time. He wished he could correct his grievous misdeed. He had hurt the most innocent, kind boy he'd ever met. He was a monster. And here he was, watching the product of his deeds. It hurt more than he could have imagined.

“I will try to be gentle.” Bilbo told him before soaking the strip of cloth in water and dabbing at the punctures on his chest. Bilbo's touch was indeed very gentle, but his wounds still stung from the cleaning. He kept his pain to himself, simply clenching his teeth and focusing on the blue of Bilbo’s eyes. Even empty as they were, they were beautiful. He was beautiful. Bilbo cleaned his chest and his back before considering the bruises. “I believe you are supposed to use a cold compress for bruising. Perhaps you should sit chest deep in the water for a while.”

“A very astute suggestion.” Thorin acknowledged. Bilbo led him over closer to the bank, to a rock that he could sit on. The water rose to the middle of his chest, and the cold really did feel good against his bruised skin.

“Your clothes are disgusting. We should wash them, so no infection can set in.” Bilbo decided, already dragging the pile of leather and fur closer. Thorin grabbed his hand and Bilbo looked at him. There was no confusion or curiosity on his face, he just looked. It was driving Thorin mad!

“Why don't you just sit with me for a while. And then we can clean them.” Bilbo hesitated.

“Sitting will not serve any purpose. I have no use for sitting.”

“If you run yourself ragged, you will not be able to serve a purpose either. You need to relax, so you do not faint.” Bilbo considered this before shrugging and sitting next to Thorin. The water rose to his shoulders and he shivered a little before sitting still. A silence fell over the both of them. Bilbo did not feel the need to speak, and Thorin didn't know what to say. But he eventually figured maybe he could be blunt about the situation. “Bilbo, what does it mean to be Hollow?” Thorin asked softly. Bilbo didn't even look surprised.

“It means to be without feeling. Completely purged of any dangerous emotion.”

“And how do you decipher between dangerous emotions and non dangerous emotions?”

“There is no way to decipher. So they all must be locked away.” Thorin hated the way Bilbo talked. Like he was a teacher, explaining a passage of text to a student.

“Can they ever come back?” Thorin asked, and he hoped his voice didn't sound as whiny as it did in his ears. Bilbo looked at him for a long moment.

“I don't know.” He said and looked away. Thorin took several steadying breaths before reaching out and turning Bilbo’s face back towards his.

“May I try?” Bilbo didn't say yes, but he didn't say no either. He just stared at Thorin. The King took a breath and leaned in to press his lips against Bilbo’s. He kissed the Hobbit gently, never wanting to pull away. Bilbo didn't kiss him back, and the fear that this wouldn't work burned in Thorin's stomach. But he still had to try. He would give anything to have his Bilbo back. And then he would apologize profusely for every moment he had ever hurt the Hobbit's feelings. But when he pulled away from Bilbo, he felt his heart threatening to tear in two. His eyes were still empty, and he didn't look like he had any feelings about the kiss.

“Have I disappointed you?” Bilbo asked. Thorin sighed and hung his head for a moment.

“No. I've disappointed me.” He murmured. Bilbo felt a little tug within him at the sadness in his leader's voice. It was...odd. He didn't know what the tug was, but then it was gone. However, Thorin noticed the little moment of confusion on Bilbo’s face. “Bilbo?” He asked hopefully. The Hobbit cringed as another little tug came from inside. What was happening to him?

“I feel odd.” Bilbo whispered. Thorin's heart jumped at the word 'feel'.

“What do you feel?” He asked, cupping Bilbo’s face in his hands. The Hobbit tried to pull away, a little perturbed by Thorin's excitement, but at the same time, he wanted Thorin to keep touching him. The tugging came back again. It was like something inside of him was trying to drag him back towards something. But back towards what?

“Get off!” Bilbo cried, alarmed, and he scrambled away. He didn't know what the tugging was, but it made him feel...scared. He wasn't supposed to feel scared. He wasn't supposed to feel, at all! He was Hollow! He was finally Hollow, unable to be hurt emotionally anymore, and Thorin was trying to drag his emotions back! “Stop it! Just stop it!” Bilbo shouted, grabbing his clothes and running away. Thorin didn't follow. He didn't want to push Bilbo. But he did feel relief. Such intense, soul deep relief. Bilbo felt something, Thorin was sure of it. But it looked like what he felt was fear. Thorin would have to be careful about which emotions he instigated.

He had to talk to Gandalf about this. It was a start, at least.

OOOOO

“Bilbo?” The Hobbit looked up from the fire to the face of Gandalf. The wizard sat next to him and offered him a pipe. Bilbo shook his head.

“I know you told him.” Bilbo said. His voice had returned to emotionless and monotone. He had run off by himself to calm down, and once the tugging went away, he got dressed and rejoined the company in the camp, firmly avoiding Thorin.

“My dear fellow I have no idea what you're talking about.” Gandalf denied.

“I didn't tell him about Hollow Hobbits. And I doubt Old Took sprang out of a pack and started telling him stories.” Bilbo stated. But instead of sarcasm, his voice was infuriatingly even.

“He said you got a little scared earlier.” Gandalf mentioned.

“I can't get scared.” Bilbo immediately replied.

“Of course, he must have been mistaken.” Gandalf said knowingly. They sat quietly for a long moment before the wizard sighed. “He is very concerned about you Bilbo. As am I.” Gandalf mentioned, his voice thick with said concern.

“Concern. Another useless emotion.”

“Emotion is not useless and you know it Bilbo Baggins. You have been hurt, very badly, but now it is time to make you better.” Gandalf decided to jump right to the point. Bilbo didn't reply for a long time, just stared at the fire. Then he stood up and looked down at Gandalf.

“I can't get hurt.” He said firmly before walking away.

OOOOO

“Bilbo come look at this!” Kili called while they were walking the next day. Bilbo obediently changed his direction to see what the twins and Ori were crowded around. When he got close enough, Fili and Kili separated to reveal a giant toad.

“It looks like the Goblin King.” Fili snickered.

“I dunno, I think it's prettier.” Ori added with a smirk.

“Oh, Bilbo, you didn't see the Goblin King! He was disgusting! He was all fat and lumpy and he had a beard that looked like it belonged in his underwear.” Kili explained with a burst of laughter. Bilbo didn't react at all, to anything they said. Fili was the first to notice.

“You okay Bilbo? You look a little...vacant.” Bilbo opened his mouth to reply when he suddenly sensed someone behind him. He turned to find Thorin just a few feet away. Regretfully, he felt the little tug just from looking at him.

“Leave Master Baggins alone.” Thorin growled before pointing the young Dwarves away. Fili, Kili, and Ori scampered away quickly. He gestured for Bilbo to start walking, but kept up easily with the pace the Hobbit took. “How are you today Bilbo?” Thorin asked pleasantly. Bilbo peeked at him out of the corner of his eyes.

“I am eager to progress on our journey.” He said evenly.

“I meant how are you feeling.” Thorin pushed.

“I'm not. Feeling. Anything.” Bilbo said instantly.

“It's not a bad thing to feel, you know.” Thorin mentioned. Bilbo almost snorted. Almost. But he couldn't feel mirth.

“Feeling killed many of my people, a long time ago. Feeling nearly killed me as well. Feeling only ever leads to bad things. I will be much more efficient on this journey without my emotions to compromise me.” Again with the teacher voice. Thorin fought the urge to roll his eyes. Instead he stopped and grabbed Bilbo by his wrist to stop him as well. They got a few glances from the company, but no one wanted to be the one to ask questions.

“I don't want you to be more efficient, I want you to feel. I want you to feel what I feel for you.” Thorin's voice wavered a little, but if Bilbo noticed, he didn't deem it worthy to acknowledge.

“You feel I am a burden. A useless homebody who cannot possibly be helpful on this quest. You made that perfectly clear. I I remember that it hurt...when you said those things. Now it doesn't. How can this be bad, me being Hollow?” Bilbo didn't wait for his answer, he turned and continued on with the company. Thorin took a few breaths to calm himself before following after as well. He was not going to give up. He was sure he could bring Bilbo back. He had to.

OOOOO

“We should reach Beorn's home by tomorrow night. We should stop here for camp.” Gandalf announced, much to the delight of the tired company, or so the chorus of sighs would have him believe. Only Bilbo seemed composed, despite the many miles they had traveled that day. He volunteered to collect firewood and then disappeared into the forest. Thorin and Gandalf exchanged glances before Thorin slipped away after him. By the time he caught up to the Hobbit, they were a far distance from the camp. Bilbo was simply standing, hands clenched and eyes pressed shut. He looked like he was trying very hard to focus. Thorin, as quietly as he could, walked up behind the Hobbit and put his hand on Bilbo’s shoulder.

“Don't.” Bilbo hissed.

“You're trying to keep them out, aren't you.” Thorin said, ignoring Bilbo’s warning.

“I said, don't.”

“No. I won't let you remain Hollow. It's not how a Hobbit is supposed to be.”

“You don't know anything about Hobbits! Or me!” Bilbo yelled, wrenching out of Thorin's grasp. The Dwarf King was prepared to argue however. He grabbed Bilbo by his arm and spun him around so he could face the Hobbit.

“Are you angry with me Bilbo? Maybe you're furious! I hope you are! Because then you would be feeling something!” Bilbo was positively seething. But he was desperately trying to push it down. He probably would be able to, if it weren't for Thorin.

“Let go of me.” He growled through clenched teeth.

“Not gonna happen.” Thorin immediately replied. “Not until you're yourself again.” Thorin wasn't expecting the fist that came into sharp contact with his jaw. He stupidly let go of Bilbo’s arm to cradle his jaw, and the Hobbit took off running. Thorin gave chase. And while the Hobbit was nimble and quick footed, he was no match for the athletic Dwarf. Thorin didn't stop at just grabbing Bilbo, he tackled the Hobbit and straddled him on the ground to keep him from squirming away. Bilbo was immediately trying to hit him and fight him, but Thorin restrained him fairly quickly, pinning his wrists to the ground as well.

“Get off of me! What I do with my emotions is my decision!” Bilbo snarled.

“No, it's not! It's my fault they were even taken away from you! And I'm going to give them back!” Thorin yelled right back.

“I can't go back to feeling! It hurts to much!”

“Bilbo, you know that's not true. Before the company came to your Hobbit hole, you felt just fine. It's our fault that you're like this. That you got so hurt that you had to become Hollow. And even though you're Hollow, you're still scared. You're scared that if your emotions come back, they'll just keep getting abused. You'll just keep getting hurt. But I promise...that's not going to happen. Not anymore.” Bilbo didn't say anything, and Thorin held his breath. Then, like a curtain slamming down, Bilbo’s eyes lost any bit of emotion they had. And he was blank again.

“Master Oakenshield, there is no cure for being Hollow. It's a defense. It's a permanent defense.” Bilbo told him blankly. Thorin felt all his hope, except one little speck, drain from him. He hung his head, his forehead resting on Bilbo’s chest, and tried to keep himself from crying. He didn't succeed. Tears started sliding from his eyes, absorbing in Bilbo’s shirt, and his shoulders shook with sobs.

“Bilbo please...please come back to me. I'm so...so sorry. I should have never treated you like that. I was scared too. I was scared because I felt myself falling for you, and instead of treating you right, like I should have, I lashed out at you. For making me feel. You made me stop being Hollow.” He sobbed pathetically. No reply came from the Hobbit beneath him. For a few moments it was just quiet between the two of them. And then Bilbo whimpered. Thorin's head snapped up at the sound.

Blue eyes. Like the sky during midday. They'd always been beautiful. Even when they were scared, or angry, or emotionless. But when Thorin looked at them in that moment...they were so open. Open and full of emotion. They stared into Thorin, with more impact than a blade through his chest. Thorin's breath caught in his throat, and that tiny remaining speck of hope flared up like a wildfire.

“Bilbo?” Thorin's voice cracked with that one word, and Bilbo's breath shuddered. The Hobbit nodded, just a little bit, but it was more than enough. Thorin collapsed into fresh tears, ones of pure relief. He sat up and pulled the Hobbit onto his lap, keeping Bilbo pressed firmly against him. He was not going to loose his Hobbit. “You're not Hollow?” Thorin had to make sure. Bilbo sniffled.

“I don't think so. If I were Hollow, I don't think I would be afraid.” Thorin's tears stopped at that and he looked down with concern.

“Afraid?” He asked. How could he have missed it? The emotion flooding Bilbo’s blue eyes, it was fear. So thick it was like a physical presence.

“You said I was lost. That I’d been lost since I left my home. You said I should have never come on this journey. And n-now you're saying you love me.” Bilbo reminded him.

“I should never had said that Bilbo. Any of it. It wasn't true. Not one bit of it. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.” He whispered, rubbing his thumb over Bilbo’s cheek. “I never meant to scare you. I didn't know what to do, I reacted in just about the worst way possible.” He sniffled, bringing Bilbo in tighter to his chest. “Please don't leave me again.”

“I-I can't control it. When I realized I was becoming Hollow, I tried to stop it. But it happened anyways. And when I was Hollow, I wanted to stay that way. But I can feel now. I can feel everything.” Bilbo seemed close to tears himself. Thorin ran a soothing hand up and down Bilbo’s back, delighting in the nearly imperceptible shiver his actions drew.

“I won't let you become Hollow again. I'll never put you in a position where you become emotionally compromised, I’ll treat you right. I promise.” Bilbo shuddered again, this time from the Dwarf's words. “I thought I lost you forever. And it was my fault.” He tipped Bilbo’s face up towards his. “I can't lose you again.” He whispered before sealing his lips to Bilbo’s. When Thorin pulled away from the kiss, Bilbo’s eyes were glazed and his lips parted ever so slightly. “I love you Bilbo.” Thorin whispered. The Hobbit swallow heavily and looked at him shyly. He didn't seem able to say it back. “You don't have to reply Bilbo. But just know that you are loved. Whether or not you love me in turn, it doesn't matter.” He whispered. Bilbo could only nod.

OOOOO

“If Old Took knew you told a Dwarf about the Hollow Hobbits, he would conk you over the head with his very best garden fork.” Bilbo said, rather snarkily, as he sat next to Gandalf. The wizard, who had been in deep thought, looked at Bilbo in surprise. And then a smile lit his face.

“Bilbo! So good to see you are back to yourself!” Gandalf resisted the urge to hug the Hobbit. “And I only told one Dwarf, thank you very much. And he needed to know.” Gandalf pointed out.

“Did he Gandalf? Did Thorin need to know?” Bilbo was still wondering. If Gandalf had never told Thorin, what would have happened to him? He remembered every moment of being Hollow, and while it was frightening, especially that bit with Azog, it was...comforting. As if Gandalf could read his mind, the wizard offered Bilbo his pipe.

“For your nerves. I imagine this whole ordeal has left them a little...shaken.” He pointed out. Bilbo released a big breath and accepted the pipe.

“Thorin says he loves me.” Bilbo spoke softly so only they would hear. They were sitting away from the Dwarves, but Bilbo often wondered if they heard more than they admitted to.

“I have suspected his feelings for some time now. How he went about acting on his feelings was...regrettable.” Bilbo gaped at the wizard.

“Regrettable? He practically made me Hollow all on his lonesome!” Bilbo sneered. His eyes caught on Thorin, who was looking intently at the pair of them from across camp. After their talk in the woods, where he had basically forced Bilbo to feel again, Thorin had recognized that Bilbo might need some space. “Is that how all Dwarves act?” Bilbo muttered.

“Thorin Oakenshield is a very difficult variety of Dwarf, Bilbo. His past and his experiences have changed him, and not necessarily for the better. You must be patient with him.” Bilbo couldn't help but snort a chuckle. If Gandalf weren't so glad that Bilbo could feel the mirth required for such a snort, he would give Bilbo a glare.

“Patient. I was patient for a very long time Gandalf. And it turned me into a shell of who I was. I don't know if I can forgive Thorin, for what he did. Even if he did bring me back from being Hollow.” Bilbo admitted, looking down at the ground. He puffed on the pipe before handing it back to Gandalf, eyes still firmly turned away from the wizard as he did so. Gandalf sighed, thought on his words, and then sighed again.

“I do not know what to tell you, my little friend. It is true that Thorin made a mistake, a very unforgivable mistake. But he did not know what his actions would merit. Hobbits are almost as secretive as Dwarves, he couldn't have known what would happen to you. I believe that if he had known, he never would have acted the way he did. I also believe that he feels regret very strongly for how he treated you, and I think he will do everything he can to make it up to you. In the end, it is your decision to forgive Thorin or not. But perhaps you should consider his side to this ordeal as well.” With that Gandalf patted Bilbo’s shoulder and ambled off. Bilbo watched him go before sighing heavily.

He glanced towards Thorin again. The Dwarf was still looking at him, with a mixture of longing and concern. He clearly wanted to make sure Bilbo was alright, but he knew it was probably not his place to ask at the moment. Bilbo was angry. He was hurt. He was sad. But he was also relieved, and happy, and flattered. Thorin loved him! At least, he said he did. It was confusing, having all these emotions after going without them. He wondered if he was really better off being Hollow. But he thought back to the cliff, facing down Azog. The orc had smiled at him, for being so mercenary. When he was Hollow, everything was survival and progress and reaching his destination. And he probably would have joined Azog if the orc asked him, at the end of their journey. That scared him, much more than Thorin did.

In any case, they still had far to go on this journey. He could think about all of this later. For now he just wanted to sit with Fili and Kili and Bofur and listen to them joke. He could enjoy their jokes and enthusiasm now. He could tell that the Dwarves were a little wary of him. They had obviously observed his behavior during his time being Hollow, and none of them seemed to be able to make sense of it. But he was back to himself now, so he hoped they would just move on. He was sure ready to.

OOOOO

By the time they reached Beorn's house, Bilbo was growing very uncomfortable with the tension between Thorin and himself. The King never approached him, unless it was something pertaining to the journey, and Bilbo tried to avoid even thinking about Thorin. He still didn't quite know what to do. Yes, he was still hurt by Thorin's actions. But if it weren't for the Dwarf King, he would be trapped in his greatest fear. The stories of the Hollow Hobbits had haunted him well into maturity, and just thinking about his experience being Hollow gave him a shudder. Sometimes he had nightmares about it. About being blank, and uncaring.

The strange thing was, whenever he would wake from such a nightmare, he always felt the urge to go to Thorin. He was almost sure that the Dwarf would not rebuke him for seeking such comfort, but he was not completely sure. He just could not be hurt again. But on the first night they spent in Beorn's home, Bilbo woke from the most terrible nightmare yet.

He had been back on that cliff, facing Azog with emotionless eyes. Only this time, the Orc had ordered him to kill Thorin. And without a second thought, Bilbo had turned and done as commanded, severing the Dwarf's head from his shoulder with no effort at all. It was more than disturbing, Bilbo didn't even have a word for how terrified he felt as he woke. Thorin, who was still awake and sitting by the fire, turned at the noise of Bilbo’s rising. The Hobbit looked visibly shaken and so very small. But as much as Thorin wanted to go to him, he knew it would not be appreciated. Not after all he had done.

Thorin was shocked when Bilbo was suddenly sitting down next to him. The Hobbit said nothing, he simply sat down and stared into the fire with tired eyes. After a few minutes, he shuffled closer to Thorin, fitting his smaller body into Thorin's side. And a few minutes later, he gently laid his head on Thorin's shoulder. The Dwarf took a chance and wrapped his arm around Bilbo’s thin shoulders, bringing him in closer to his body. Bilbo murmured something that Thorin didn't hear, but he thought might have been, 'Thanks'.

They sat together like that for longer than either of them knew. Bilbo eventually fell back asleep, still tucked into Thorin's side, and for the first time in near a week, he didn't have a nightmare.

OOOOO

“Thorin?” The Dwarf King looked up from the list in his hands. Bilbo was standing in the doorway of Beorn's study, where Thorin had been sitting all day. He was making sure they would have enough supplies to last them through Mirkwood. If they covered a certain distance per day, and used only a certain amount of supplies per day, they should be just fine. Bilbo wasn't looking at Thorin, his eyes were fixed firmly on his furry feet.

“Is something wrong Bilbo?” Thorin asked, putting the list down slowly. Bilbo shuffled a little, apparently debating his answer, before he cleared his throat.

“I-I'm sorry I was angry with you. Yes, you hurt me, but then you helped me and it's not fair to you that I was so mad.” Bilbo said it all in one breath, but Thorin heard every word. The Dwarf King sighed at the way Bilbo couldn't look at him and stood from the large, Beorn sized chair. He approached Bilbo and when he was in front of the Hobbit, he tipped his face up so he would look at him.

“You had every right to be angry with me. But, should I take the past tense to mean that you're not angry anymore?” Thorin asked hopefully. Bilbo bit his lips lightly and Thorin couldn't resist running his thumb over that lip, coaxing it from between Bilbo's teeth.

“I'm not angry. I...I think I love you too Thorin. But...the last time I loved someone was my parents, and when they died I forgot what that felt like. I don't think I was ever really angry with you. Maybe a little bit, but not really as much as I’ve been acting. I didn't know what exactly I was feeling, but I do now.” Bilbo sniffled a little, and Thorin realized the Hobbit was close to tears. He didn't quite know what to say to Bilbo’s admission so instead he leaned down and pressed his lips to Bilbo’s.

“I love you Bilbo Baggins. Have for a while. And I'm not afraid to admit it.” Thorin told him before kissing Bilbo again.

“That's good. Because I think we're being spied on.” Bilbo pointed out, noticing the little giggles that were coming from the partially open door. Thorin muttered to himself and slammed the door all the way shut. “Are you unhappy? That they know?” Bilbo asked nervously.

“No. No, I'm glad they know. I just wish it wasn't Fili and Kili who will be telling everyone. They'll make me sound like a sap.” Thorin rolled his eyes. Bilbo chuckled to himself and leaned up onto his tip toes to kiss Thorin on the cheek.

“You do sound like a sap. But I don't mind.” Bilbo told him. Thorin growled a little, but it wasn't an angry growl. It was more of a...possessive noise. Bilbo suddenly found himself wrapped in Thorin's impossibly strong embrace. Thorin kissed him, fiercely and deeply, before placing small kisses all over his face. “T-Thorin stop! That tickles!” Bilbo squealed when Thorin kissed his ears.

“Do you have...ticklish ears?” Thorin asked, a devious grin on his face.

“No! They're just very sensitive is all. But I am...ticklish.” Thorin's grin only grew. “No. Thorin! No!” Bilbo collapsed into a fit of giggles as Thorin started relentlessly tickling his sides. “Thorin! Mercy!” Bilbo pleaded, gasping between his giggles.

“But your giggles are so adorable!” Thorin stated. He did have mercy on the Hobbit after another few moment, and just held the panting Hobbit to his chest. “I wonder what other sounds you make?” Thorin's voice dripped with insinuation and Bilbo flushed to the tip of his ears. Thorin smirked and kissed him, gently, on his lips. “Maybe later. I do still have work to do.” He said regretfully.

“You would actually want to...be intimate? With me?” Bilbo swallowed thickly at the thought. Thorin tipped his head up again, a look of slight confusion on the Dwarf's face.

“Why wouldn't I want to be intimate with you? But I will not do anything you are uncomfortable with. I promise.” He assured the Hobbit, who smiled a little.

“I trust you.” Bilbo told him, almost shyly. Thorin felt his heart jump to his throat. “I love you.” Bilbo added, and Thorin's heart must have jumped right out of his mouth. He stroked Bilbo’s cheek for a few moments of peaceful bliss before suddenly the door was thrown open. Beorn rushed in before sighing in relief.

“Oh! When the little Dwarves told me what you were doing I feared for my study! If you need privacy, I can give you a bedroom, but please, not in the study.” Bilbo blushed the shade of a ripe tomato and buried his red face in Thorin's chest. The Dwarf couldn't help but chuckle.

“Thank you Master Beorn.” He laughed. The shape shifter grinned knowingly before leaving.

“I don't think I can ever meet his eyes again.” Bilbo whispered from where he was still burrowed into Thorin's chest. Thorin chuckled again.

“What if I was right next to you?” Thorin asked, rubbing his hand up and down Bilbo’s back soothingly. Bilbo peeked up at him.

“Well...maybe.” Thorin smiled and planted a kiss on Bilbo’s forehead.

“I'll see you tonight at dinner.” Thorin murmured.

“Okay.” Bilbo agreed, detaching himself from Thorin. Just before he left, Thorin caught him and gave him one more passionate kiss.

“I love you Bilbo.” Thorin purred.

“I love you too Thorin.” Bilbo replied, trying to hide his grin. His attempt failed, but Thorin didn't say anything. He watched Bilbo go until he disappeared down the hallway. For the first time in a very long time, things felt right. They felt in place. Thorin could admit to his feelings, and Bilbo could admit his as well. In a way, they had both saved each other from being Hollow. Thorin couldn't wait to see what the future would bring for them. He could only pray it was something wonderful.

END


End file.
